boyfriend? fiance? more like roommate.

i have been with jordan for 3 almost 4 years i really never thought we would date this long. i think it is because i didn't want to have a serious boyfriend until i was 21 and i didn't want to have sex until i was at least 22.. my plans weren't God's plans.
but now i have this fiance that is more like a roommate. he is lazy annd he eats all the food. not to mention he can't stand to be in the same room as me. he always ask what i am doing tonight or the next  day   he doesn't want to spend time with me. I am unhappy and I have been happy for a while. I was hoping this engagement would make things improve. like our bond with us together but I was wrong.
I want to lust and I want to long to be with someone that longs for me back not someone who is just there. jordan doesn't care about my feelings or about my beliefs.  he is a good dad and this really has nothing to do with Macy just how i don't love him.

engaged.

this is very happy time in most women's lives it is supposed to be exciting and lots of fun. but since i am a man stuck in a woman's body it is a problem i freak out about simple things. i don't want to get married it will be miserable with the commitment and stress to add on to my other 99 problems.i canit even have decent bridesmaids.. all of the ones i like are moving to another state.
first there is my sister. she is a  crazy.  bitch. monica she is 27 and asked our 19 year old brother for drugs.. oh ew.
then there is melissa. i asked her to take pictures of macy in september of last year and i have seen 2 maybe 3.  her sister is pregnant but she will pretend she is. she likes to live vicariously through her.
we have come to keri she is moving to arizona. she dislikes jordan and she is currently my closest friend she will move to arizona and forget all about me.
kelly is moving to hawaii in may. she is a good friend she tries to be a good friend it is one of her top priorities. we were very close then when jordan and i started dating she and i grew apart not in a bad way but in a growing way.
whitney she is moving to ohio. she is one of my best friends. although i forget i hagve her because she is so far away. she isswept upin her romance with her boyfriend who they both belevie they will get married to one day.
no matterhow i look at it i still do not want to get married. i think only one of those people will have  my back if i needed them too. i want all five of them too. iwonit uninvite anyone but i will hold off getting married until i have at least one more. :)