warning: you may not want to read this.

no really don't read if you are weak hearted.

I am let down most of the time. I don't think anyone does it purposely. Just I don't think anyone cares equally about me as I do them. When I was younger and dumber I cared so much about my best friends I would take up for anyone of them and I KNEW  without a doubt they would do the same.. haha joke was on me because most of them did not do the same for me. Now I am only 21 with zero best friends.. and trust issues I can't even get excited any more because I know the let down will hurt  too terribly and expectation is too great to live up to. I have friends but not what I used to have, or what I thought I had. I am no one's number one. and that is a very hard thing to know. somethings I wish I didn't know.

I don't think I was rude or mean to anyone before they were rude or mean to me.. so all I can say now is ---- you. I was a good friend I kept your secrets when you told mine.  I listened to your problems and you didn't offer to listen mine or you never cared enough. So please stop saying we are friends and use  were "we were friends" -past tense because our friendship is in the past.