Boring

My life is so boring.. I HATE when anyone says "you have a kid now your life is supposed to be boring." Excuse me? I don't think so. I have always had a boring life and I have always wanted a more exciting life or active life. I am always at home. Even when Macy and Jordan aren't here.. I AM.  And I am usually doing nothing. I don't have to do something crazy I just want to be out of the house/tiny apartment. I would like to have people that just want to come over and play a board game with me. I just enjoy the company of others. I like to listen and analyze everything. I want people to come over so I can figure them out. :)

I will continue to have  a boring life a long as I have boring people in my life. I would like to know more active people. I like being active.  Someone be active with me.

warning: you may not want to read this.

no really don't read if you are weak hearted.

I am let down most of the time. I don't think anyone does it purposely. Just I don't think anyone cares equally about me as I do them. When I was younger and dumber I cared so much about my best friends I would take up for anyone of them and I KNEW  without a doubt they would do the same.. haha joke was on me because most of them did not do the same for me. Now I am only 21 with zero best friends.. and trust issues I can't even get excited any more because I know the let down will hurt  too terribly and expectation is too great to live up to. I have friends but not what I used to have, or what I thought I had. I am no one's number one. and that is a very hard thing to know. somethings I wish I didn't know.

I don't think I was rude or mean to anyone before they were rude or mean to me.. so all I can say now is ---- you. I was a good friend I kept your secrets when you told mine.  I listened to your problems and you didn't offer to listen mine or you never cared enough. So please stop saying we are friends and use  were "we were friends" -past tense because our friendship is in the past.

college.

So today I was thinking (thinking a little too hard.. as usual). I am in school. I have been here for four years. most of the people I know are graduatuing this year I feel like I am never going to make it to the line to graduate. I don't think I am going to make it to the line because I am terrible at english. I can speak english but not correctly. I can't write decent sentences, no one ever taught me how or told me the reason english is so important. every class I take I have to write a paper. and everytime I get to that exact point in the class I freeze I can not go on. I would like to go on to complete the class with a decent grade but I can't because of papers. I would like to never go to class again. I really mean NEVER. but I don't think that goal will ever be reached. Most of the careers I want  to pursue the employee has to have great writing skills but I don't.

It is weird I have a blog. you write in a blog but I am not a good writer.